Gef Pågo | Beautiful

| Photo of me admiring a pågo/hau tree by Kaulana Park |

To be in this moment, fully conscious and aware

of the countless people and reasons I am standing there,

of all the sacrifices made and memories gone

yan i anten-ñiha within us that live on

Anggin hu hasso siha guini este na momentu

Sumen magof yu sa gef pågo

Gef Pågo, beautiful, literally “very now”

I mañaina’-ta knew of this beauty, and I believe this is how

Håfa adai todus hamyo yan aloha mai kākou.

This world we live in today is full of distractions that take our focus and energy away from the wonder and i ginefpa’go (the beauty) of present moments. You’re either on your phone or your laptop reading this blog right now, but what is surrounding you? Who? Where is the beauty around you?

Life in Hawai’i nei, away from my ancestral lands and i mangåffa-ku / e ku’u ‘ohana (my family) has been very hard. I had to work up to four jobs, seven days a week, to make enough money to sustain myself and my education on my own. I was worn out from overworking myself, and questioned my happiness and if I wanted to continue living here. I fell short by focusing on how tired, mahålang, lonesome (because all I ever did was work), and stressed I was. Instead, I could’ve realized how well I was doing supporting myself and earning straight A’s. Instead of I could’ve been happy how that was a crazy, pivotal chapter in my life; like daaaaalai I worked my dåggan / ‘elemu (booty) off! I could’ve been proud of what I am capable of. Looking back pågo, I am proud and I am so grateful for that struggle.

On the other hand, after a year and half of exploring, stumbling, and getting back up, I feel Hawai’i has opened i kurason-ña / kona pu’uwai (her heart) to me. I feel like she has accepted me as her poksai / hānai (adopted) daughter, because I love her like a mother. Although she gives me tough love and takes every opportunity to humble me, she has blessed me more than I prayed for. I experienced so many storied, sacred places, learned new ‘ike (knowledge), touched new tåno / ‘āina, and connected with  kānaka in many levels and realms. If I happened to have my phone on-hand during my experiences, I probably attempted to take at least one photo to help me remember. I actually look at my photo library in my phone more than Instagram, LOL.

I appreciate each and every one of you for taking your time to read my journey and my experiences, you support and inspire me. I stopped writing for a while because I felt I had nothing to offer you, as you’re all on your own journeys, being wholly present in your own experiences. I didn’t want to take you away from pågo, sa gef pågo ha’ (because it’s beautiful). Enjoy your presence in this present moment. Wherever you find yourself, know that I am grateful for you, your ancestors are grateful for you, and Mother Earth loves you.

Esta ki yan a hui hou.

Si Yu’us ma’åse yan mahalo nui for reading.



Sailing through the clouds in a metal canoe,

I knew I was perpetuating what my ancestors used to do.

They used to voyage from home to another Pacific land

to share, explore, and understand.

They shared technology, wisdom, and trees

to take back to home island and plant the seeds.

That wisdom and those trees sprouted with fruit,

forever connecting our islands via canoe.

Colonialism abruptly cut our Oceanic ties,

starving us of sovereignty and feeding us lies.

But the indigenous peoples we still remain

in our home islands, though never the same.

My family continued to speak our native tongue

but did not pass it on to me when I was young.

They raised me with culture, they raised me Chamoru

forever a child of the land–un taotao tåno.

My ancestors called on me to reconnect with our past,

so I left Guåhan for Oceania, the vast.

They called me to remember the language of the land,

to look to the stars and in the dirt, plant my hands.


In navigating the ocean, one must know from where they come

to know where one is going once the journey’s begun.

I know my past and I carry it with me

to ground me and nourish me when I am in need.

So a successful future looks like our past

because this modern lifestyle on Earth won’t last.

I am crafting this future starting with myself

by decolonizing my mind, body, and health.

I’m learning and using my language every day

as it holds our culture and our ancient way.

I’m embracing Hawai’i as my new home

incorporating her culture into my own.

I mālama ‘āina every day of the week

because the ancestors in the land have the answers we seek.

Working and doing is another way that I learn

so my work educates me as it provides the wages I earn.

I work for service-learning at KCC

to reestablish love for ‘āina in our community.

My group is rebuilding a garden at Lē’ahi

to increase the hospital’s sustainability.

I work for Central Middle After-School All-Stars

to help underprivileged students realize they’ll go far.

I teach them sports, lessons for life

and that they can attend college no matter the price.

I interned at Kāko’o ‘Ōiwi over the summer,

an opportunity for myself and Hawaiians to learn from each other.

They taught me how to plant kalo and manage a farm.

I shared Chamoru culture and linked with them by arm

to make Hawai’i sustainable, starting with our lives

with the ‘ulu and hō’io ferns that grow and thrive.

I work with Mālama I Nā Ahupua’a

making Hawai’i sustainable through various lo’i and mala.

We connect students with the land they live on

to mālama native ecosystems and culture before they’re gone.


My journey in Hawai’i has not been easy

but my humble beginning is a tool for me.

My family was never rich nor poor,

lived simply and shared with those who needed more.

We used what was around us, everything that we had,

caring for the good and fixing the bad.

My family provided for me as I was in school

which enabled me to excel in everything I pursued.

My family and culture built me tough

to be resourceful when the sea gets rough.

Because resourceful is what I have to be

to sustain my life here in Hawai’i.

I continue to pay for tuition and rent on my own.

Working multiple jobs is all I’ve known.

KCC tuition I am able to manage and pay,

but I cannot afford Mānoa, so my education will be delayed.

From FAFSA, I don’t receive any financial aid

because of the amount my parents get paid.

But they are unable to help me paying their bills and debt.

Together though apart, we ensure ends are met.

They grew me to work hard and earn what I need

to work well with others so we all succeed,

so we can craft a future better than our present state

of colonization and militarization before it’s too late.