| Photo of me admiring a pågo/hau tree by Kaulana Park |
To be in this moment, fully conscious and aware
of the countless people and reasons I am standing there,
of all the sacrifices made and memories gone
yan i anten-ñiha within us that live on
Anggin hu hasso siha guini este na momentu
Sumen magof yu sa gef pågo
Gef Pågo, beautiful, literally “very now”
I mañaina’-ta knew of this beauty, and I believe this is how
Håfa adai todus hamyo yan aloha mai kākou.
This world we live in today is full of distractions that take our focus and energy away from the wonder and i ginefpa’go (the beauty) of present moments. You’re either on your phone or your laptop reading this blog right now, but what is surrounding you? Who? Where is the beauty around you?
Life in Hawai’i nei, away from my ancestral lands and i mangåffa-ku / e ku’u ‘ohana (my family) has been very hard. I had to work up to four jobs, seven days a week, to make enough money to sustain myself and my education on my own. I was worn out from overworking myself, and questioned my happiness and if I wanted to continue living here. I fell short by focusing on how tired, mahålang, lonesome (because all I ever did was work), and stressed I was. Instead, I could’ve realized how well I was doing supporting myself and earning straight A’s. Instead of I could’ve been happy how that was a crazy, pivotal chapter in my life; like daaaaalai I worked my dåggan / ‘elemu (booty) off! I could’ve been proud of what I am capable of. Looking back pågo, I am proud and I am so grateful for that struggle.
On the other hand, after a year and half of exploring, stumbling, and getting back up, I feel Hawai’i has opened i kurason-ña / kona pu’uwai (her heart) to me. I feel like she has accepted me as her poksai / hānai (adopted) daughter, because I love her like a mother. Although she gives me tough love and takes every opportunity to humble me, she has blessed me more than I prayed for. I experienced so many storied, sacred places, learned new ‘ike (knowledge), touched new tåno / ‘āina, and connected with kānaka in many levels and realms. If I happened to have my phone on-hand during my experiences, I probably attempted to take at least one photo to help me remember. I actually look at my photo library in my phone more than Instagram, LOL.
I appreciate each and every one of you for taking your time to read my journey and my experiences, you support and inspire me. I stopped writing for a while because I felt I had nothing to offer you, as you’re all on your own journeys, being wholly present in your own experiences. I didn’t want to take you away from pågo, sa gef pågo ha’ (because it’s beautiful). Enjoy your presence in this present moment. Wherever you find yourself, know that I am grateful for you, your ancestors are grateful for you, and Mother Earth loves you.
Esta ki yan a hui hou.
Si Yu’us ma’åse yan mahalo nui for reading.